Blindfolded

Been feeling like I have a blindfold on lately, but this time it has nothing to do with Valentines Day.

Between incline work, weights, running, and getting my diet back it has been a pretty tame existence. And necessary, I think, to quiet the little voice in my head that reminds me "but you've never done 100 before". Base building took FOREVER, but I finally feel ready to get after it a bit in training, to push just a bit harder and have some confidence in my body to respond. My approach to Western States barely resembles any training plans I had a year ago at this time. Yet the blindfold effect still lingers. Is this really the right way? Does my training reflect a patient, well-thought out plan to succeed, or am I just getting in shape for a big fat DNF?

Although this internal chatter is minimal, I suspect the paranoia will increase in a few months. Lately I've been keeping the self-doubt at bay by going harder...it's hard to think about whether you're doing the right thing while gasping for air or doing the 5th set on the squat rack. Hopefully Rockin' K, Berryman, and the Hawk marathon will provide enough distraction to weather the heavy mileage months with some degree of sanity.

I should note that one thing in my routine is absolutely solid. Every night when I lay down I read something that has to do with Western States. Course descriptions, books, other runners race reports...even if I've already read those items. I close my eyes and slip away to a place where I don't see myself crossing a finish line, or earning a certain buckle. Instead, I visualize rededicating myself to tomorrow and the infinite possibilities it holds. THAT is why I started running. So I tell the little voice in my head that this thing has already been a raging success, no matter the outcome.
Peace.